Trapper McLean – Resident Advisor

Trapper McLean: He is a man, a myth, a living legend. If he were a fortune cookie, it would say “Awesomeness is headin’ your way!”
Trapper hails from the fine town of Cut Bank, MT, but until recently, divided his time between La Crosse, WI where he attended Viterbo University and majored in a six-year program of rocking out, and Gotham City, where he lent his formidable genius to Bruce Wayne when he was facing a few of his more insidious enemies.
Trapper’s heroes include himself, his future plans include not much, and in high school, he was voted “Most likely to make a name for himself.” Unbeknownst to his former classmates, Trapper’s greatest skills lie in his great conversational skills and being able to listen, really listen, when women are trying to have a meaningful conversation with him. He also enjoys collecting more music than necessary, healthy, or even conducive to a proper social life.
Look guys, I’ll level with you here: If you’re still reading this far down, then it means two things. First, that I made this bio just inoffensive enough to slip by the powers-that-be, and secondly, it means that you want to know Trapper, and I mean truly know what makes this kid so awesome. I will tell you, half because this knowledge needs to become public record, and half because Trapper asked me, as his more creative friend, to write his bio, and after all the music he’s given me, I owe it to him. So here goes: This is the raw. Unabridged list of little-known Trapper Facts that make him just about the coolest person you will ever meet in the cosmically short time you will inhabit this earth.
1: Trapper is a Coke kind of guy. Pepsi is unacceptable in any situation. This shows that Trapper upholds his convictions. Trapper also says ‘pop’ instead of ‘soda’, showing that he is too cool for grammar.
2: Trapper has just about every song ever made by man, and if he doesn’t, give him a few weeks and he’ll probably get it in the mail from me. This shows he is dedicated to small tasks that he sets his mind to.
3: Trapper knows pretty much anything about pop culture. Seriously. Try him sometime. This shows Trapper is smart and detail-oriented.
5: Trapper is so awesome that he’s decided to skip the number four. This shows that Trapper can bend the laws of mathematics and physics in ways unheard of by you or I.
6: Trapper has his own Facebook group. This shows Trapper is popular and relates well with other people, even if the group is called “Trapper is a weird kid”.
7: Trapper hasn’t bitten anyone in nearly eight months. This shows that he is adjusting to social situations nicely.
8: Trapper once built a Frankenstein monster in his basement out of old Coke cans, a scrap of rug and a dog collar. He then realized that the world wasn’t ready for such an experiment and tearfully destroyed the monster before it had a chance to harm anyone. This shows that Trapper is intelligent and responsible.
9: This is an ASCII picture: €̊=)/--<|₀. This shows a man with funny hair dancing on a skateboard with one wheel. Oh no! He will crash! Maybe Trapper can save him!
10: Trapper is awesome. This shows that Trapper is awesome.
11: Trapper cares deeply about [boring issue]. This shows that Trapper is politically savvy and globally conscious.

I hope that I’ve convinced you all that a vote for Trapper is a vote for progress in 2008.

I swear that this document is absolutely truthful (enough),

Matthew Perry, North American Truthiness Prognosticator